Relationships
Breaking the spiral of alone
I’m not a people person and i often find myself alone. It takes effort for me to be in a crowd, I struggle with small talk. I think a LOT, about EVERYTHING, and ALL the time yet common sense is something I’ve never grasped. Sometimes I label myself with Asperger’s, but everyone is different and a single label feels like a straight jacket.
I think sometimes being alone is a spiral. You do not see anyone for a day, for two days, for three and it becomes a week. You don’t talk to family for one week then two weeks. When you realize how longs it been it feels an unnerving challenge to “make the effort”. Its easy to spiral down into a cocoon where the world is something you can ignore and switch off with a tv remote.
The thing is we are social animals. I believe there are two things that define us and set us above other animals. Firstly we communicate, more than any other species. We communicate With speech and music, and art and sculpture , with food and even scent. Secondly, we build tools to change and control our world, we see what others have done and create better tools, we combine what we learn from others to make new discoveries and creations. Even when we are alone we may keep a diary to communicate with future selves. Our need to communicate, to share, to give is what makes us human.
Depression and doubt are traps that can effect all of us to greater or lesser degrees at different points in our lives. Medications can help some but I honestly believe that the best medicine is to communicate. It is painful at first like starting to exercise, it may never become easy, but I believe communication is as important as eating and breathing. Communication is about both listening and talking, it is about sharing. Its tempting to push things down, to carry on alone and just “pull ourselves together grow a pair”. I believe that keeping everything pushed down inside ourselves feeds a time bomb that stealthy waits until we cannot contain it any more. You cant force somebody communicate, but you can show them that they can do so safely, bit by bit, day by day.
I keep this blog, to say what i think of the world, to the world. Maybe people will read it, maybe they will agree or maybe they will disagree. Writing this blog it is good for me, it is a release and so much better than letting the thoughts and opinions race around as a storm in my mind. I do not write it to garner sympathy nor praise. I write it to share.
Once or twice in my life I have found people I can fully relax with. I treasure those people. Those people inspire me to try and be that person for somebody else, to let somebody know they are not alone. I still do not like crowds, I still find it relaxing to be alone. I doubt that is ever going to change. But so long as I communicate, as long as I share, then even when I am alone, I am not.
Falling, learning, rocks and safety nets
Falling down. Everyone does, what distinguishes is if and what we learn each time to make us better. To misquote Samuel Beckett “Fall once. Fall again. Fall better”
Rocks do not move, they stand the test of time, when storms come you can cling to them. You may cut yourself on them, you may bruise when you fall. They let you build on solid foundation.
Safety nets move, they catch you, they allow you to take risks you would not otherwise, they are temporary, they mean your mistakes cannot hurt you.
Don’t ask a question if you don’t want the answer…
Politicians often make grat promises about representing the public when they want to get ellected, but one in power the public opinion can become more of a hindrance.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2011/nov/15/cameron-e-petition-policy-backfire
Who is the better leader or parent. One that does what’s best for his subjects/children or one that gives them whatever they ask for…
I guess i just wish politicians would be honest both before and after they get elected
Time goes faster as you get older
As the 1st of october clicked around i got to thinking about how the older i get the faster the years seem to fly by. I wonder if it is becase we compare thing to how long we have lived. For example when you are 4 then a single year seems to drag because its 25% of you life. But when you are age 25 a year is just 4% of your life, and when you reach 50 a year is even less at only 2% of ones memories. Maybe we measure time not by a fixed rule but against the scale of our life memories. So as we get older each passing year seems shorter.
Somethings have to be said even if nobody is listening
- Some truths need to be said outloud even if to an empty room.
- Some truths need to be said because nobody else wants to say them.
- Some truths need to be said so we hear them ourselves.
False accusation
Sometimes one is falsely accused. Maybe from friend or family or stranger. I believe in almost all cases false accusations stem from misunderstandings and that the only way to resolve them it through honest communication.
Sadly the accusation itself may create an environment in which that is not possible. I believe that the best one can do is plainly state one’s case, to try and understand each other’s beliefs and to try and understand how the miss understanding might have come about. There is nothing more one can do. Too vigorous defence may inflame tensions and make the matter worse. while it may hurt one has to accept the right of another to believe something different to oneself. Though a cliché sometimes “time is the best healer”.
One may learn lessons on how to avoid future misunderstandings, but for the most part one has to live one’s life. The misunderstanding may leave scars on both sides of hurt and distrust. These scars can be covered over but will never heal completely until the issue is resolved. The required honest communication cannot be forced or finessed, only prayed for.
Ethics, Secrets and Lies
Often i may using publicly available data infer or guess other details that may or may not be true. I see no problem with sharing those inferences or analysis with people that have the same access to facts as myself provided i am clear that those are inferences and opinion and are not fact. I may at some point learn some secret that confirms or denies my opinions, but that does not effect the opinions that i share if asked by those not privy to the same confidential information. I will not lie. and thus sometimes may chose silence or feigned ignorance. I may at times nudge people to talk together, or suggest directions for investigation or development based on perceived shared goals. While i may at times be seen as an instigator I believe that my legacy is as a facilitator. I refrain from doing harm, except where it is necessary. I don’t take sides. I come to an opinion and choose where to stand. Wether that is in the same place as others is a consequence of that judgement. I will state as fact information I know to be untrue.
Everything happens for a reason
Some people quote “Everything happens for a reason” as though destiny has our lives predestined on rails. I prefer to think of it the other way, that whatever happens it should be our goal to find the best outcome and maybe by doing that we create reason where none existed before.
Learning from others
“Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.”
— Groucho Marx