Tagged With: life
Breaking the spiral of alone
I’m not a people person and i often find myself alone. It takes effort for me to be in a crowd, I struggle with small talk. I think a LOT, about EVERYTHING, and ALL the time yet common sense is something I’ve never grasped. Sometimes I label myself with Asperger’s, but everyone is different and a single label feels like a straight jacket.
I think sometimes being alone is a spiral. You do not see anyone for a day, for two days, for three and it becomes a week. You don’t talk to family for one week then two weeks. When you realize how longs it been it feels an unnerving challenge to “make the effort”. Its easy to spiral down into a cocoon where the world is something you can ignore and switch off with a tv remote.
The thing is we are social animals. I believe there are two things that define us and set us above other animals. Firstly we communicate, more than any other species. We communicate With speech and music, and art and sculpture , with food and even scent. Secondly, we build tools to change and control our world, we see what others have done and create better tools, we combine what we learn from others to make new discoveries and creations. Even when we are alone we may keep a diary to communicate with future selves. Our need to communicate, to share, to give is what makes us human.
Depression and doubt are traps that can effect all of us to greater or lesser degrees at different points in our lives. Medications can help some but I honestly believe that the best medicine is to communicate. It is painful at first like starting to exercise, it may never become easy, but I believe communication is as important as eating and breathing. Communication is about both listening and talking, it is about sharing. Its tempting to push things down, to carry on alone and just “pull ourselves together grow a pair”. I believe that keeping everything pushed down inside ourselves feeds a time bomb that stealthy waits until we cannot contain it any more. You cant force somebody communicate, but you can show them that they can do so safely, bit by bit, day by day.
I keep this blog, to say what i think of the world, to the world. Maybe people will read it, maybe they will agree or maybe they will disagree. Writing this blog it is good for me, it is a release and so much better than letting the thoughts and opinions race around as a storm in my mind. I do not write it to garner sympathy nor praise. I write it to share.
Once or twice in my life I have found people I can fully relax with. I treasure those people. Those people inspire me to try and be that person for somebody else, to let somebody know they are not alone. I still do not like crowds, I still find it relaxing to be alone. I doubt that is ever going to change. But so long as I communicate, as long as I share, then even when I am alone, I am not.
Falling, learning, rocks and safety nets
Falling down. Everyone does, what distinguishes is if and what we learn each time to make us better. To misquote Samuel Beckett “Fall once. Fall again. Fall better”
Rocks do not move, they stand the test of time, when storms come you can cling to them. You may cut yourself on them, you may bruise when you fall. They let you build on solid foundation.
Safety nets move, they catch you, they allow you to take risks you would not otherwise, they are temporary, they mean your mistakes cannot hurt you.
Time goes faster as you get older
As the 1st of october clicked around i got to thinking about how the older i get the faster the years seem to fly by. I wonder if it is becase we compare thing to how long we have lived. For example when you are 4 then a single year seems to drag because its 25% of you life. But when you are age 25 a year is just 4% of your life, and when you reach 50 a year is even less at only 2% of ones memories. Maybe we measure time not by a fixed rule but against the scale of our life memories. So as we get older each passing year seems shorter.
Somethings have to be said even if nobody is listening
- Some truths need to be said outloud even if to an empty room.
- Some truths need to be said because nobody else wants to say them.
- Some truths need to be said so we hear them ourselves.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid or missing answers.
Sometimes people are afraid to ask questions for fear of looking stupid, but questions re not stupid, they just reveal a previous answer was missing or flawed.Answering questions is the thing we should be judged upon.
I get incredibly frustrated when people lie, or guess and pretend to be experts, or avoid answers altogether because the truth, or the fear of a possible truth, scares them. Questions are searches for the truth, and there are no stupid questions.
eBay – the greatest shop in the world.
When I was a child there were high-street stores that sold the myriad of knickknacks that make and personalise a home. Now, years later, many of those stores have been driven out by large franchises and out of town retail parks. Those new superstores carrying the most profitable and popular lines of items, with rarely bought items not stocked.
At the same time global communications and transport and an entrepreneurial spirit have meant more innovations and variations of item being manufacturers around the world.
eBay may have a reputation for a place to buy and sell second-hand goods, but it is also gloriously full of entrepreneurs around the globe eager to sell their products. if you can visualise the thing you need, it is likely you will find it on eBay, pay for it with PayPal and be able to have it delivered to your door in the next week. What’s more in many cases you can find items cheaper than you might at a high-street store. Granted there are fakes and frauds, just as one might find at a town market, but these become easy to recognise with experience.
I believe that eBay is the greatest shop in the world.
False accusation
Sometimes one is falsely accused. Maybe from friend or family or stranger. I believe in almost all cases false accusations stem from misunderstandings and that the only way to resolve them it through honest communication.
Sadly the accusation itself may create an environment in which that is not possible. I believe that the best one can do is plainly state one’s case, to try and understand each other’s beliefs and to try and understand how the miss understanding might have come about. There is nothing more one can do. Too vigorous defence may inflame tensions and make the matter worse. while it may hurt one has to accept the right of another to believe something different to oneself. Though a cliché sometimes “time is the best healer”.
One may learn lessons on how to avoid future misunderstandings, but for the most part one has to live one’s life. The misunderstanding may leave scars on both sides of hurt and distrust. These scars can be covered over but will never heal completely until the issue is resolved. The required honest communication cannot be forced or finessed, only prayed for.
Feminism
Feminism was always about self respect, and about people knowing they could be themselves and be equal without having to be the same.
By this very definition it can mean very different things to other people without loosing its truth.
Society, The Media, X-Factor, Katie and Napoleon.
Historically society has apportioned importance according to role. For example Lord of the Manor or Peasent, and until recently people had limited choices in those roles. If you were a farmer’s son then you would be a farmer. One might marry into money or be born with it. Some might aspire to better that themselves and a few might succeed. Methods have included marriage, crime, business acumen, science and the production of art, more recently called “media”.
Different ages of “media” have had different styles. From gladiators fighting in an arena, to the written word with Shakespeare, through silent slapstick with Charlie Chaplin, through rock ‘n’ roll with Elvis, the advent of the music video with Queen, and the Stock, Aitken and Waterman era of early Kylie. The roles and rewards of promoters, writers and performers have changed less, with promoters making the most profits and performers risking the most
The success of any media is usually judged by the size of its patronage. Though in the majority of cases the fans will never meet or really get to know the ‘stars’. Even the name “star” implies something high above us that we can reach for the never quite touch. Talent shows promise a chance of fame to those that crave it. Most recently with the audience empowered to feel that they are part of the judging process. We all have different criteria mixing who we want to win, who we think deserves to win, and in more recent years tactical voting. Promoters, writers, performers and even politicians know this, and often try to present themselves in the best possible light to maximise their chances of success. In clear moments participants known and may even admit that they are gambling their futures in such contests, and that there are always more losers than winners.
You can love or hate the X factor or both. My personal opinion is that it is a modern day pantomime, where the audience cheer and boo like marionettes with tangled strings. If I choose to watch such a performance then I choose to yield to the machinations, and the rollercoaster of emotions, safe in the knowledge that it is not real, at least not real that anyone I really know.
As for katie, she has fallen into the panto role of the villain we should boo; whether this is because of her family.her precociousness, “Gamu”-gate, or a cultural backlash against image styling; she is perhaps the new nasty Nick. While I do not ascribe to the vitriol against her I do agree with the caller last night that the producers of X factor must share some of that responsibility whether their actions have been grounded in incompetence or in deviousness.
To close this essay I will leave you with two quotes that you may or may not agree with; one from Wagner “She’s just a girl from a council estate who got lucky when somebody gave her a job in showbusiness” ; and one slightly more profound from Napoleon Bonaparte. “One must change one’s tactics every 10 years if one wishes to maintain one’s superiority”
Remembrance Sunday
This morning I walked down to the local Polish War Memorial on the A40 West London. There was a there was a small crowd of maybe 20 people, some local community police officers and two local councillors who lay wreaths and read a short dedication.
Afterwards I spent some time reading the names of the fallen on the wall behind the Memorial, as I did so, I thought about why the Memorial was there and why I had come. I am not Polish, I did not serve in the war, though my father did. I do not believe the Polish fought for just Polish or that the English fought for just the English. I believe they thought as we should for each other. I laid my poppy at the foot of Memorial and went home quietly grateful to all who fought so that I might be free. I hope to do the same next year.
